I have had it on my heart to let this feeling flow, because I can’t be the only one who feels this way, and if you are here — maybe you need to hear it too.
In elementary, middle, and high school I was a fairly social girl. I was decently outgoing, not afraid of meeting new people or being myself up front. I always had the confidence to talk to anyone. In college I was maybe a little more reserved, but still would easily let people in if I wanted to, and wasn’t afraid to speak up in class or groups.
As I entered the adult world, I felt this slow but steady switch in who I was. I was more reserved, and awkward (always have been awkward…always will be awkward). Sure, if I let you in I am still the same outgoing and social Mary, but that takes more work these days.
The other day I started to seriously wonder, “What is wrong with me these days?” “Why don’t I fit in?” “Why do I feel like I don’t belong so often.” “Why do I feel different than everyone else?” Then as Lauren Daigle belted into my earbuds it hit me so hard. “When I don’t belong, you say I am Yours and I believe.” Duh Mary. You weren’t made to be like them. You are DIFFERENT and now you know it! You aren’t pretending or trying to be someone you aren’t. You are different and you HAVE changed. You are not meant to fit in everywhere you go. Maybe you aren’t “fitting in” because you aren’t supposed to. You are unique and different and that. is. okay.
Sometimes that feels weird. It isn’t a feeling I am used to. No one likes feeling different. I even cry sometimes when I feel like I will never allow my real self to shine through in situations. It’s weird getting used to being the different one, when you never felt like that growing up.
Here’s the deal. You aren’t theirs to judge, and you don’t belong to them. You belong to HIM and HIM alone. He is the only one that really matters. Fitting in with Him is all we should care about, and I am learning everyday the things I have to do to fit in for Him.
This was put on my heart for both me and for you. So stop worrying about being different, or popular, or fitting in. You aren’t meant to belong everywhere. You belong with Him and that. is. enough.